Multitasking is a waste of your time.
I find it odd that it’s deemed to be a compliment when we say that people are “good at multitasking”. Because I think that concept is a fallacy.
When we’re trying to do a bunch of things at once, what we’re actually doing is flip-flopping from one thing to another with little to no processing time between each, often leading to tasks being rushed, mistakes being made, things being forgotten or being left incomplete.
How many times have you had a to-do list, had a go at getting a bunch of things done and ended up with the jobs we think we’ve ticked off being put back on the list because we weren’t able to do the jobs properly the first time?
Because I know I have!
I do not always get this planning thing right…
For example: I am writing this blog now but when I started up my computer today,
I was actually coming on to update products on our website shop…
I started editing the site,
then got distracted by another blog post with a typo and started editing that,
tried to keep my other tasks in my mind so I wouldn’t forget what I was meant to be doing next,
started changing text and formatting on the website,
came back to writing this blog,
then the washing machine cycle finished so I went to sort that out,
and I found another few things I was meant to remember hanging out in the back of my mind - didn't write them down; they're gone now,
and all the while I am trying also to set up my youngest son with an activity
and trying to soothe my eldest son who is having a bad bout of Tourettes tics,
and it all just hit me
STOP!
I AM NOT DOING ANY OF THESE JOBS WELL AND I AM EXHAUSTING MY POOR BRAIN!
I stopped writing - obviously - to go and properly attend to my children.
Once they were settled and content I had the opportunity to stop and think “which of my tasks are the most important to do first?”
And “do I have time to do any other jobs before I start getting dinner ready?”
The answer was “No, not really”.
So an informed choice was made.
But clearly I didn’t start my afternoon with that clear focus in my mind - I just went on autopilot from job to job without leaving that crucial pause to make a decision about how best to use my time, and look at what happened up there in that list - what a mess!
Now, it’s very easy to say: “I need to focus!”
But it is not always easy to put into practice, especially when we are so used to carrying around a hundred tasks at a time. Mental load is not to be sniffed at. It can be debilitating, particularly if you don't recognise how exhausting it is to keep all the jobs in your mind every day.
And it's not easy to do when you generally loathe being a slave to time. I hate clock-watching. I am an easy-going, non-perfectionist who loves to go with the flow.
BUT.
If I don't have any plans, if I don't write things down and allocate at least a rough time for things, I know that I will likely have an infuriatingly inefficient, frustrating day. I don't always remember to update the calendar with the things I need to do, and I don't list every single task separately, but I can pop in my schedule that some time needs to be allocated that day to do spreadsheets, and some needs to be for housework for example, and those things will both get done.
PS - I don't do more than one unpleasant task per day and I reward myself for completing those tasks with extra me-time perks! For example, I reward myself for cleaning the oven or defrosting the freezer because those are jobs that I hate! This is another kind of self-care!
Without a process to manage our mental workload, we will be overwhelmed and fatigued and this is particularly true if you are a neurodivergent adult. ADHD and Autism make task overwhelm and decision fatigue so much worse. Indeed, the act of planning your day is a task in itself which can be overwhelming for neurodivergent minds.
Be gentle with yourself if this is you. (I know that there are apps designed to help with scheduling tasks and time-management but I cannot recommend any as I’ve not tried them myself. Definitely worth researching though I would say!)
My next question is:
Are YOU on your to-do list?
Before it became part of the fabric of my days, unless I scheduled time for it, most days I wouldn’t set aside time for my own restoration and self-care.
If we wait to ‘find time’ we will usually be waiting a long time. We need to MAKE time for this crucial part of our lives. I believe absolutely that I am here in this life to do good, and that includes being good to myself. I cannot be generous with my time, my energy, my enthusiasm unless I’ve filled my own cup.
This doesn’t mean I always put myself first - I don’t.
I am a mother to 2 Autistic, disabled children, I have pets, I have a husband I am devoted to, a house to run and I have 2 part-time jobs but I am on my own ‘to-do’ list because I know that I would not be able to do any of those jobs well otherwise.
So how do I make sure that I fit time into even my busiest days to do things for my own good, for my own care, for my own joy?
I’ve been doing it intentionally for so long that it really is a natural part of my day now. But when I first became a mother, as I’m sure is the story for many many parents, I put my own needs very far down the list. When I realised that I was feeling “thin; like butter scraped over too much bread” (thank you JRR Tolkien for that glorious metaphor from Bilbo Baggins) I knew that I wouldn’t be able to carry on like that and maintain the level of care and enthusiasm for my baby and my relationships unless I made some shifts in my day to day plans. And that was all as a stay-at-home parent with only 1 baby and 2 easy-going cats to care for; I didn’t have the extra responsibility of a job or other children then!
This is how I ensured I was going to be able to thrive;
I added my self-care to my calendar.
Literally writing in things like:
AM: Skincare
Mid-morning: At home yoga
Early PM: Tea and music
Late PM: Call family/friend for a rant/giggle as required!
Night: Skincare; including 5-minute hand and foot massage
Bedtime: Reading
I knew that I could be flexible with the timing and the content of all these things, and that some days I wouldn’t do them all.
But the point is that it made me aware of MY needs every day.
These days those things are built into my natural daily task list and I now add things for self-affirmation; things that make me feel like ME.
I MAKE TIME for creativity every day
I MAKE TIME for laughter every day
I MAKE TIME for reading every day
It doesn’t need to be a lot of time. Even a couple of minutes of a couple of things each day works as a powerful reminder that YOU MATTER.
For some people reading this I imagine it may seem obvious, but it won’t for a lot of you. Many of you may see these things and scoff “how am I supposed to find the time to do any of that?” and they’re right; you probably won’t find the time. You have to make the time. It is difficult to start with, but eventually it becomes a natural part of your daily decisions.
It will mean that sometimes you won’t be able to say “yes” to other people’s requests and that is ok.
It will also mean that we'll need to sometimes accept and to ask for help.
I love it when people offer to help me and please bear in mind that many of us LOVE to help others. I know that it is a calling of mine to be a helper. If I offer to help you, I mean it! And I know I'm not the only one!
I am at a point now, where even though I am busy, I am not constantly overwhelmed, overworked or spread thin. I DO have plenty of time to be able to say “yes” when people in my life need me.
And I know that unless I was scheduling, planning, prioritising my own care needs, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
Self-care, when it’s done right, is actually a very generous act.
With love and care,
Amy
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